How to manage wedding RSVPs, dietary needs and song requests

Set your reply-by date about six weeks before the wedding, working back from the day your venue needs final numbers (often one to two weeks out). Ask each guest, in one reply, whether they are coming, what they will eat, any allergy and one song. Chase from the day after, and keep one guest list that the dietary list, table plan and song list all come from.

Weddings Online's December 2025 survey of 1,014 participants puts the average Irish wedding at 141 guests and the average meal at €107 a head. That is a lot of replies to collect and a lot of meals to get right.

When should the reply-by date be?

Start from your venue, not your invitation. Four Irish venues publish their deadlines (checked 12 October 2026):

• Castlemartyr Resort: anticipated numbers 14 days before, final numbers 7 days before.
• Lord Bagenal Inn: numbers two weeks before, final numbers one week before (the page is undated).
• Portmarnock Resort: final numbers one week before.
• Amber Springs Hotel: draft numbers, menu choices and dietary requirements two weeks before, confirmed final numbers 72 hours before. It still charges for reductions after that.

Your contract has the dates that count.

Weddings Online's guides suggest a reply-by date two to four weeks before the wedding, plus a week of grace for late replies, and say to check it against your venue's deadline. That suits a short list. With 141 guests on average, we give chasing four weeks, which puts the date about six weeks out. Pick a round date, such as the 10th, 20th or 30th, which guests remember more easily.

An example for a Friday wedding on 11 June 2027, with a venue that wants numbers 14 days before:

1. Friday 30 April: reply-by date.
2. Saturday 1 May: message every household that has not replied.
3. Saturday 8 May: phone anyone still silent.
4. Friday 14 May: decide about the rest. Weddings Online's timeline puts calling guests who have not responded one month before.
5. Friday 28 May: final numbers and the dietary list go to the venue.

For invitation dates, see when to send wedding invitations in Ireland.

What should a wedding RSVP ask?

Ask for each named person, not just the household. One reply can cover a household, but the answers must be per person. Check first whether your venue offers a choice of meal: Amber Springs says its agreed menu is normally served to everyone, with alternatives only if arranged in advance.

Name every invited guest on the invitation, and say plainly if a plus-one is included. Weddings Online's wording guide suggests printing only the names of exactly who is invited. Evening guests need their own count: Amber Springs asks couples to record adults, children, babies and evening guests separately.

Offer more than one way to reply. Weddings Online's invitation guide advises as many as you wish, including text, email and post, so add a phone number or email for guests who will not use a link. For the rest of what guests read before they reply, see what to put on a wedding website.

How do you chase wedding RSVPs politely?

1. The day after your reply-by date, message each household that has not replied. Use the way you invited them (WhatsApp, text or email), one to one. A group chat puts people on the spot.
2. A week later, phone anyone still silent. Weddings Online allows a week of grace after the reply-by date and expects a few guests to need chasing.
3. For the rest, ask a relative or friend who knows them, and decide what a non-reply means before your venue's deadline.
4. Give a reason and a date every time.

Hi [name], hope you're well. We haven't had your reply for our wedding on [date] yet, and our venue needs numbers by [date]. Could you let us know by [date]? You can reply here: [link]. Thanks a million, [names]

Hi [name], thanks for saying yes. We still need a meal choice and any allergies for [names]. It takes a minute here: [link]. We give the hotel our final numbers on [date].

How do you keep one guest list?

Keep one master list, in a spreadsheet or a guest dashboard, and build everything from it: the count for the venue, the dietary list, the table plan, place cards, the evening list and the song list. Change it in one place only. If a guest changes their answer, update the list, then send the venue a dated update.

Useful columns are household, name, day or evening, coming, meal, allergy or diet, song, table, contact and date replied. Send the venue one complete update rather than a trickle of emails: Amber Springs asks for all final details in one email. The table plan comes from the same list. See the table plan in Ireland.

What dietary information does your venue need?

For each named guest, the kitchen needs what to avoid and the dining room needs to know where they sit. Amber Springs wants dietary requirements, allergies, intolerances and coeliac requirements written beside each guest's name on the table plan, and asks couples to tell medical needs from personal preferences. Weddings Online advises confirming dietary information with guests at least a month before.

The 14 allergens food businesses must declare

Under EU rules, food businesses in Ireland must declare 14 allergens in writing when they use them as ingredients (Food Safety Authority of Ireland, checked 12 October 2026). They are cereals containing gluten (wheat, rye, barley and oats), crustaceans, eggs, fish, peanuts, soybeans, milk, tree nuts, celery, mustard, sesame seeds, sulphur dioxide and sulphites (above 10 mg/kg or 10 mg/L), lupin and molluscs.

The kitchen works from this list, so ask in the same terms: a tick box for each, plus one line for anything else. Only these 14 must be declared by law, so a guest can have an allergy that is not on the list.

How do you cater for coeliac wedding guests?

Give coeliac disease its own box. The HSE describes it as an autoimmune condition, not an allergy or an intolerance to gluten, and the Coeliac Society of Ireland says about one in a hundred people in Ireland have it. On a list of 141, that is one or two guests. The Society says even a grain of gluten can cause symptoms that last days, so "gluten free" on a name card is not enough.

Ask your venue how it prepares gluten-free meals, and about the bread, the cake and the bar: most beers are made from barley (HSE). Weddings Online suggests asking caterers how they handle cross-contamination. The Society also lists hotels and restaurants whose staff have taken its catering training. The list is short, so ask your venue directly either way.

Vegetarian, vegan and everything else

Offer vegetarian and vegan as plain options, and keep one line for anything else the kitchen should know. Amber Springs asks couples to confirm vegetarian and vegan meals, children's meals and evening food in advance. Ask how suppliers such as the band and photographer are fed and counted: Amber Springs keeps them out of its main guest count.

Presenting the list to the venue

Send one list with the table, the guest's name, the need, and whether it is medical or a preference, plus children's meals and highchairs. Sort one copy by table for the dining room and one by name for your own checks. Date each version, and tell the venue about late changes straight away.

Are dietary and allergy notes private?

Treat them as sensitive. The Data Protection Commission (DPC) lists data concerning health, and religious or philosophical beliefs, among the special categories of personal data under the GDPR. A note that a guest has coeliac disease or a nut allergy is information about their health. A halal or kosher request can point to a religious belief.

The DPC's page does not mention wedding menus, so this is how the categories apply in practice, not a DPC ruling on weddings.

Whether data protection law covers your own guest list is a legal question. The DPC says it does not apply to personal data an individual keeps solely for personal, family or household affairs, if it is not used in connection with a professional or commercial activity or made public.

Using Christmas cards as its example, the DPC also says an organisation running a service people use is outside that household exemption. A venue, a caterer or an online RSVP service is that kind of organisation.

Good practice, in line with the DPC's principles of data minimisation and storage limitation:

• Ask only what the kitchen needs. Tick boxes and one short line beat an open box that invites a medical history.
• Say why you are asking and who will see it: "Your answers go to us and the hotel kitchen, and nobody else."
• Share the list with the venue's catering team only. The DJ needs songs, not allergies. Keep it out of group chats and public pages.
• Delete it after the wedding.

This is general information, not legal advice.

How do you turn song requests into a list for the DJ or band?

Ask for one song and artist on the reply, so the request arrives with the answer. Weddings Online suggests asking guests for their favourite song to dance to. Try: "Which song will get you on the dance floor? Song and artist, please."

Then:

1. Export the songs with each guest's name.
2. Fix titles and artists, and merge duplicates. A song three people asked for goes near the top.
3. Split the list into your must-plays, guest requests and a do-not-play list. A DJ quoted by Weddings Online advises a do-not-play list alongside your playlist.
4. Send it in the format your DJ or band asks for. Weddings Online's timeline puts sending the music list one month before the wedding.

A band can only play songs it has rehearsed, so ask which requests fit its set. Treat requests as ideas, not orders. You keep the first dance and the last song.

How Tying The Knot handles this

On a Tying The Knot invitation site, each household replies once, with a line for each person: coming or not, meal, dietary and allergy needs, and a song for the dance floor. In your private dashboard you see every reply as it arrives, the guest list by household, who has and has not replied, and reminders to chase. It also builds the dietary and allergy list with each guest's table, and the song list for your DJ or band.

You can lay out the table plan there and download it as a picture and as a CSV with each guest's name, table, and dietary and allergy needs, ready to send to the venue. It costs €750 including VAT, with the site online for a year. See the RSVP in detail, the pricing and how it works.

Sources

Checked on 12 October 2026 unless a date is given.

• Food Safety Authority of Ireland: allergens, advice for businesses
• HSE: coeliac disease (page last reviewed 24 March 2021). Coeliac Society of Ireland: about coeliac disease
• Data Protection Commission: special category data, household exemption, principles of data protection, Christmas cards and the household exemption (9 December 2019)
• Venues: Amber Springs, Castlemartyr Resort 2027 packages, Lord Bagenal Inn, Portmarnock Resort
• Weddings Online: 2025 Irish wedding survey (December 2025 data), how to handle RSVPs, RSVP tips, 5 ways to get guests to RSVP on time, dietary requirements, invitation wording guide, Irish wedding timeline, wedding DJs